19 Park Place
Get in loser! This week we are dissecting what Parker and I refer to as “Skinty Building”. I’m back downtown! Who’s surprised?? Despite this building officially opening in 2022, we’re going to have to rewind to 2008 to tell this tale.
The 2008 recession clearly did not stop many a rich man from wanting this 25-foot-wide Tribeca lot. She really is THAT girl! Various architects competed for this sliver of land, but one emerged victorious. Ismael Leyva, that glass-loving bastard, dreamed up a design SO reflective, SO metallic, SO… skiiiinnyyyy.
The nearly 10-year-long construction of this building contains so much juicy gossip. I only have about 50% of the facts and 100% of the audacity to relay them to you. Construction signage went up on this lot in 2012. Fast forward to 2015, it’s still under construction but now with more than 175 complaints on the Department of Buildings’s record. Some of those complaints include a pole hanging from safety netting and, ironically enough, safety netting missing over a large chunk of the building. Several Stop Work Orders were issued and several were violated. I wish I knew more of the tea on why this build was such a shit show, but unfortunately, it’s just me and ny.curbed.com who give a heck about this.
(this article from 2010 is one of the funniest articles I’ve read in a long time. It feels similar to how I write. I can’t believe it was written 14 years ago! I didn’t know good humor existed back then.)
Now, my qualms with this building (I know you are all dying to know) are filled with questions like “Why?” and “But seriously, why?”. Tribeca is a pretty nifty neighborhood, traditionally known for cobblestone streets and a post-industrial (aka bricked up) vibe. This building, along with other new developments, just doesn’t fit the vibe!! (My mom probably knows the answer to this question) Is glass really that much cheaper than literally any other material? Must we keep making buildings with the personality levels of my trash can*? And you can fit, what, maybe 1 chair on those balconies?? Make them rectangular goddammit!
So anyways, it’s now 2021! The 21-floor condominium has opened and has been named “Tribeca Royale”! And guess what? Not one person wants to buy an apartment here! 18 months later, a new management company takes over and rebrands it “Iris TriBeCa” (yeah, the issue here was with the name and not the fact that you’re selling tiny ass apartments for multiple millions of dollars.)
Each apartment has an elevator that opens directly to the unit (I personally hate that concept. What if someone is coming down from a higher floor and you call it and now there’s just a stranger in your home? idk, just something to think about) and each has a trash chute in the kitchen! Woo! Apparently, there are also heated sidewalks at the residential entrance. Man, rich people do the darnedest things.
Fun Facts
I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned the fact that the building next to it collapsed in 2018. Some theories suggest the shit show construction next door caused the collapse. RIP 21 Park Place (Alexa play “in the arms of an angel”) I feel as though this is the perfect opportunity to make an even uglier, skinnier building here)
The whole reason I’m writing about this building is because during the pandemic, Parker and I used to walk passed it on our way to Target (I gotta get this newsletter sponsored by them. All roads lead to Target). This would be one of our few outings during lockdown and due to general hysteria (and us just being weirdos), we came up with a little song that we’d sing when walking by:
to the tune of “O Christmas Tree”
O Skinty* Building
O Skinty Building
How skinty is your building?
*skinty is another word for skinny if that wasn’t glaringly obvious
One time (nowhere near christmas, might I add) we were singing this jolly tune as we do when walking by the Skinty Building™️. From one of the cars parked on the street, we hear a loud & pointed “what the fuck??”. Turns out not everybody is a fan of caroling.
*my trash can for reference
Alright you freaks, that’s all this week. I’m making a lot of progress on my website and it should be done soon! It will house all my previous installments for all you building fanatics to read through!
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