My Apartment
undisclosed :)
Hey pals it’s my birthday. I’m 27 now!!! I was so close to having this botw’s number line up with either today’s date (the 30th, if you’re slow) or my age (27, if you’re really slow). But alas, fate did not allow it. Nonetheless, we proceed.
I love making other people’s birthdays as special as possible and wanted to extend that love to myself. I thought, “What better building to dedicate to myself other than the one I live in??” I mean, this is where I spend most of my time (borderline agoraphobe style). However, I simply cannot disclose my address on God’s internet a second time. So, instead of discussing the building, this week I will be talking about my apartment!!!
“It feels like a yacht club, no?” the incredibly jaded leasing agent said when showing us the place. She really did not give a single fuck if we liked the place or not and that made me like it more. I mean, we would’ve been crazy not to. This 2 bedroom 2 bath corner unit has stunning unobstructed views of the Hudson River in every window. AND it was well within our budget! Other than some slightly outdated features here and there, nothing seemed outrageously wrong with the place. So was it too good to be true or did we score a hidden gem?
Well, shit. Not even two months into living here the oven, the toilet, and the air conditioning had broken along with our sanity. It felt like someone or something was taunting us. The second we would relax after fixing one, another would break, each appliance being more convoluted and bothersome to fix than the last. My working theory is that the place is haunted by a cat that chain smokes cigarettes in the middle of the night.
The way the air conditioner broke felt like a personal attack. Imagine this: you’re in the middle of a deep sleep when suddenly rain starts to hit your face. Rain? Indoors? In your half-asleep haze, you scurry to the window to see if it’s raining outside, too, but it isn’t! It’s now coming from below! Your air conditioner! It’s spewing out gallons of water, completely soaking your bed and the rug below.
When we called the front desk, the 90-year-old doorman (whom we boldly entrust to protect the building overnight) informed us that the super had already left for the day so we would have to wait until morning. I informed him that if he did not wake the super up, I would call 911. The super was there within 15 minutes. Turns out a pipe had burst in our AC unit and that “this happens sometimes”. Fucking pardon??
That’s not even all of it. I haven’t even told you about the cigarette ghost or the facade work yet. So I’m not entirely sure what exactly they are working on, but if I had to guess I would say a construction crew has been testing atomic bombs on the walls outside my apartment for the last three months. The noise is unbearable and lasts anywhere from 2-7 hours.
Honestly, the insufferable drilling doesn’t bother me nearly as much as losing access to my windows. Do you have any idea how frightening it is to be in your daytime boxers when suddenly one to two grown men are mere inches away from your window?? “Use curtains,” you say. First of all, how dare you? Second of all, I don’t have time to explain the intricacies of the curtain situation in my living room. Third of all, they’re only light diffusing and thus see-through!
99.99% of these books are Parker's
After unpacking all of that it’s starting to feel like I’m in a toxic relationship with this place. So why do we stay? Despite the fact that breaking a lease is a difficult process, we just didn’t want to move. Firstly, there’s the sunk cost of time and money spent styling and organizing the space. Secondly, moving blows. Thirdly, there’s… her (the view). That’s what makes this construction shit so heartbreaking.
Okay, geez! I’m done complaining (for now). Let’s get into what I like about this place. Right as you enter the apartment, you’ll see the cutest key holder that I got from Etsy. There’s also the coin man (seashell turtle) from St. Lucia. He owns the coins. To your right, you’ll see the hallway. I can’t believe I have a hallway, I’ve always wanted one! I even got to hang up a gallery wall!! Life is good. Plus that adorable runner rug was only $90 from Amazon and it’s so comfy & soft.
My room isn’t as exciting as the rest of the place since I wanted it to have a calming energy. My favorite things in my room are my glasses stand (an idea I got from working at Madewell), my foot massager (those who know, KNOW), and this little shelf in my bathroom. My #1 employee, Kerstin, got me this print and I did not understand the pun until several months later. I just thought it was a cat complimenting me on my lurking skills and I seriously appreciated the casually phrased praise.
The guest room/office doesn’t usually have the bed out, but we have been too lazy to put it away between guests. It’s normally a green couch, making the number of green couches we own 2. Not a large number in theory, but definitely above average (flex). I’m a really big fan of this National Parks calendar and this pegboard from Ikea. The his & hers headphones are just sooooo gamercore of us.
Even though this was the most storage space we’ve ever had in a kitchen, we still managed to run out. A creative solution was these magnetic spice racks! Fun fact about me, I love magnets. The quirkier the better. I got these magnets for our fridge before we even moved in and I absolutely LOVE them. They bring me immense joy.
Despite hating overhead lighting (see week 26), I needed some kind of light over our dining table. I tried screwing a hook into the ceiling but I guess our apartment is framed with vibranium? The popcorn ceiling made it challenging to command strip anything to it…. so I got creative. I took a hammer, flattened down a small circle, and hung up an adhesive hook. Hey, it worked! How I’m going to fix that once we move is future Sara’s problem.
I didn’t have a super clear vision when decorating the space, I just used what I had and what I loved. I love bright, warm colors and soft textures. Maybe once we’ve suffered enough, we can actually sink in & enjoy the place. Life isn’t without its challenges and if my biggest challenge is the construction going on outside my amazing apartment, then I consider myself lucky. Similar to filling this space, I would love to fill my 27th year with warm feelings, fun energy, and bright memories.
Fun? Facts
On four different occasions, Parker and I were awoken by the overwhelming smell of cigarettes flooding our apartment. The smoke was thick and coming from our bathroom vents. Each time was around 3 to 4 AM and I just need to know who the ever living fuck is chain smoking in their bathroom at that hour. So now we put magnetic vent covers on our bathroom vents before we go to sleep.
So I wasn't joking about this place being haunted. One of the first weeks we lived here, I was getting ready in the bathroom when the toilet paper roll completely unraveled right in front of my eyes. I’m hoping it’s just a ghost cat that keeps breaking things. And ripping late-night cigs.
We have had this marquee board for five years and for the majority of the time it’s displayed this. Donut is $25 because Kerstin, Employee of the Month, adopted her cat Donut for $25.
Okay, I'm tired of typing. If you made it this far, thank you for reading my virtual yap sesh!
Anyways… see you next week! Toodaloo!
Want to make a building suggestion? Go here!
Here’s a sign-up link for this newsletter to send to anyone your heart desires! Send it to your friends, enemies, government officials, etc.!
this apartment looks sooooo cute i would not think that it is haunted. LOVE all the magnets!!
Happy Birthday SARA! Loved this week's post! People, let me tell you the guest accommodations here are 10/10, best in NYC! That guest bed is amazing and I have had the thrill of also seeing it in couch mode. She has 4 styles of pillow to choose from! That is luxury right there. This place does really have the best views I've seen in this country. The golden hour light in there is next level. And I've heard that the mirror ball in the window is unlikely to start fires! If you were thinking of visiting Sara ( cough, cough Margaret) you really gotta jump on it!
Happy 27th birthday Sara! I love this newsletter and the tone of your writing just makes me smile. Your apartment is adorable and the view is 😍. Enjoy your birthday weekend!
No way, I just saw a bunch of really cute magnets like yours at an estate sale!
absolutely fantastic building of the week from the birthday girl. the leasing agent saying it's just like a yacht killed me. and ONCE AGAIN! we are copying each other from across the country as i also have a rotating selection of studio ghibli stills as the backgrounds for all my devices