La Esquina
114 Kenmare Street, New York, NY 10012
Okay so I heard a lot of positive feedback from last week’s installment. Why am I surprised? Of course you little freaks prefer drug-induced (cold meds) ramblings. When I first started these, I advertised them as 90% commentary and 10% fact, but those numbers have swapped over time. I just really love learning about buildings, sue me! I’m going to try and get more towards a balanced percentage of the two from now on. Really connect-with-my-roots type shit. Like the Hannah Montana movie.
When I first chose this building, I would’ve put money down on the assumption that there would be a lot of information about it online. I was WRONG. I guess I am going to have to do some guerrilla journalism - get my hands dirty (spend some time on Google), commit some crimes (lie a little bit), and take down a crooked enterprise (idk what I’m talking about).
Ok guys I started a bit while writing this and took it a lil too far. For the rest of the newsletter, please imagine your best noir detective voice with a smooth jazz song in the background.
This place is not all that meets the eye. Something fishy is going on here, and I’m not just talking about the ceviche. The owner is an architect, yet there is no information on the design choices made here. What are you hiding Derek Sanders… if that’s even your real name.
2006, Sanders opens the doors to his brand-new taco joint. He’s as hopeful and naive as a young bride in May. He claims he wanted to recreate the vibe of the fondas he saw on a trip to Mexico City back in the 90s. So an architect goes to Mexico once, then 11 years later wants to open up a restaurant inspired by it? Something’s up… and I’m going to get to the bottom of it.
The restaurant is split into three - a cafe for casual dining, a take-out window for those on the go, and a mysterious door labeled “employees only”. If you know a guy who knows a guy, you’ll be led through that door and down a maze of incredibly steep stairs. After talking to an unassuming hostess, you’ll be ferried through a bustling kitchen like a hot dish ready to be served. If you make it through, you’ll stumble upon the fully operational bar and restaurant. Only one way up and one way down… what could possibly go wrong?
It’s now 2007, and Irreplaceable by Beyonce is topping the charts. The police dept, health dept., and mayor's office organized a raid on the place. They shut it down under the pretense that it’s a safety hazard. Sanders was told to put his stuff in a box… to the left… to the left… That’s a lot of force to use for just a simple restaurant. Safety hazard … or hazard to the people in power? Just what exactly was going on with this Mexican restaurant ran by a white man?
2010 comes around, Ke$ha’s Tik Tok is on fire. Life is good… unless you’re Derek Sanders. It’s the Department of Building’s turn now, and they shut the restaurant down. They claim it’s “imminently perilous to life”. I couldn’t have said it better myself. I don’t trust that basement as far as I could throw it. Employees of the eatery started urging people to sign a petition demanding justice. They say that the shutdown is a bunch of hooey and it’s perfectly fine. If that’s the case, then why do they have such a target on their back? Tick-tock, Derek, you’re running out of time.
The basement bar and restaurant’s walls are exposed brick and the ceiling is black-painted pipes with string lights draped on them. Iron fencing, antique sconces, and handmade mosaic art act as garnishes. You’ll see all types of people eating here - broads, floozies, dames, George Clooney, you name it. It’s a thirsty city and this watering hole is open for business.
I remember the first time I heard of this establishment. Like it was just yesterday. It was a cold night. My boyfriend’s family was in town, visiting from the west. His father mentioned a juice joint of sorts, where we may be able to enjoy some fine Mexican cuisine. He said it used to be an old subway terminal. Listen kid, I had never been to a speakeasy before but eating seafood in an old subway terminal sounded right up my alley.
We had just seen the hottest show in town and called for a cabbie to come take us to dinner. Before we could even get in, our ride collided with another car. An omen? Maybe. An attempt to silence me? Likely. I navigate us through the subway system with the common folk and we arrive by the skin of our teeth. I see my future father-in-law talking to this dame… something’s wrong. She says “Beat it, bozo, get lost.” They can’t find our reservation. Another omen.
There we were, all dolled up and nowhere to go. All hope seems lost, but he’s got a rolodex the length of my rap sheet and a pocket full of quarters. Finally, someone knows someone who knows someone who can get us in. That “employees only” door swings open and it’s time for us to face our fate.
The menu is known for its knock-out margaritas, savory tacos, and dangerous ceviche. I once ordered not one, but two servings of this ceviche for myself. It comes in a sundae glass and was so spectacular that I drank the juice at the end like it was my first sip of water after being stranded in the desert. I proceeded to wake up the next day with the worst case of Gerd anyone has ever seen. Given the chance, I’d go on another ceviche bender without a second thought. It’s truly the cat’s pajamas.
Ok, that’s all. Thank you for indulging me if you made it this far <3
annual post-la esquina selfies
Fun Facts
One of the times we ate there, we saw someone in a gimp mask. Looking back on that, maybe it was a luchador mask (the logo for the restaurant). It was dark so who knows. Which would be worse to see in public:
They now have a lil food stall in the moynihan train hall. I will probably talk about this place in a later installment.
Before opening La Esquina, Sanders was a full-time architect and worked out of the same building that now houses the restaurant (he also currently lives in the building). WHAT is going on there??? He knows something we don’t.
This may or may not have been inspired by hannah einbinder’s new stand up special.
Fun fact: you can leave comments under these posts on my website. So far it's been mostly me holding it down in the comment sections, but i would love some more of your input.
Anyways… see you next week! Toodaloo!
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This week's noir reading is a must listen.
Me and the Boys going over the cold case in this place
this one was fun and i loved the jazz music!
i always thought this was a mail only thingy. reading within gmail... i was wasting my life away. i'll come right to the source next week
Great post toots. A real humdinger of a case.